


Out of love

by Mistress_of_Vos



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Big Mai apologist here, F/F, F/M, Introspection, Mai also loves him but hey she still deserved better, Mai deserved better, Mai puts Zuko before her happiness, Mai's parents are awful, Misogyny, No Beta, Old Traditions, Teenage Marriage, Ty Lee knew everything, Zuko is really in love with her, azula being azula, i think, love is sacrifice, women being used as status tools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:55:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_of_Vos/pseuds/Mistress_of_Vos
Summary: -Will you give me a true answer now, Mai?Mai looks at her nails.-I love you, Zuko. But living here… It would mean a lot of things.-Then marry me, I can arrange that.Weren’t they discussing if their "dating" was a "courting" just minutes ago?
Relationships: Azula & Mai (Avatar), Implied Azula/Ty Lee, Mai/Zuko (Avatar), implied Mai/Ozai
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	Out of love

**Author's Note:**

> Canon divergence is my life. 
> 
> So, Mai/Zuko is one of my favorite couples ever and they need way more recognition and love, Mai did not sacrifice herself in the Boiling Rock episode to be as mistreated as she is by fans of other characters. 
> 
> I will also ignore all the comics and stay only with the things we saw in the cartoon.

.

.

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Mai is six years old when she is taken to the Royal Palace by her parents to meet the Fire Lord Azulon.

 _(“Would you please stop playing with your hands, Mai? A Lady must be quiet and silent.”_ And her mother gives her a little pinch over the clothes just before they enter the royal room with a deep reverence). 

The Fire Lord is an old man, pale like a ghost and with dark eyes, imponent like Mai has never seen. His crown shimmering at the fire’s light and his breath making the candles tremble. He is, after all, one of the most powerful fire benders that the Nation has met.

Still, the Fire Lord gives Mai a little smile and makes a soft movement with his skinny hand, asking her to move closer.

(The fire feels extremely hot and dangerous, but Azulon’s hand is cold and rough in her face; almost like an antithesis, a dying man surrounded by the element of life.

Mai almost feels curious about it).

-You are so pale.

It sounds more like a statement and less like a review.

-Are you a fire bender, Mai?

-No, sir.

Mai has treated with powerful people before, not long ago, she was presented to prince Ozai and his wife during a party (oh, and how _interested_ Ursa seemed to be on her, caressing her cheeks and asking about her hobbies), but that doesn’t help to be less afraid of the Fire Lord and her voice still sounds more high than usual, hiding a scream.

-That’s alright, both of my sons married non-benders and their children turned out just perfect; my advisor said that balancing our blood would be a good idea, do you know what I mean, dear Mai?

-I don’t think so, sir.

Mai has heard about _convenient marriages_ before, specially during dinner with her parents; but she isn’t sure how being a bender influences a marriage or what _balancing blood_ means.

-You see, a prince shall marry a high caste lady, but most high ladies right now are blood related to my own children and therefore to my grandchildren. – His voice sounds amused in that moment. - That, dear Mai, makes impossible to arrange any sort of marriage between them. But you…

And Azulon laughs a little.

-You are the firstborn of one of the few high caste families that isn’t related to me at all. A military family for the side of your father and an aristocratic family for the side of your mother, you are a very rich and powerful girl, but I don’t think you knew that, did you?

Mai denies with her head.

-Of course, you didn’t, you are still a child. Ah, how I miss being young, Mai. – And the Fire Lord’s voice sounds almost sad. - You shall enjoy your youth, little girl, time never goes back.

Mai isn’t sure what _enjoying_ would mean. Not right now.

-I will, sir.

-Very well, then. But I still have not told you why I asked your parents to bring you here… - And the Lord takes a parchment next to him and opens it, showing it to the girl with a strange smirk. 

-You, dear Mai, are now Zuko’s betrothed. One day, you will marry my grandchild. Isn’t this the best new you have gotten in your life?

-Indeed, a great new, sir! – Her mother exclaims happily meters away and the girl knows her mother is smiling even if she can’t see it.

Mai nods only because she is six and she hasn’t got many news; she cannot either agree or disagree with Azulon.

Not yet, at least.

.

.

.

Mai is sixteen and she is Zuko’s girlfriend… Not her betrothed.

The boy (who is now Fire Lord for Agni’s sake, how the world likes to be ironic) smiles to her during dinner and offers her a glass of wine.

-I have been thinking we could invite your parents to live here as well.

Oh, yes, that very same morning Zuko had asked Mai how she felt about moving to the palace and living there (as if they were married) since she was to become part of the Fire Nation council; just like Ty Lee, with the difference that the acrobat had already being living in the palace before Zuko became Fire Lord.

(Honestly, the reason behind Ty Lee living with Azula, even if it was such a short period of time, intrigues Mai very heavy, but she knows better than asking about it to her friend, she knows better than facing those hurt eyes full of tears).

Before the eclipse, Mai had been living in her parent’s house completely alone, even her nanny had moved to Omashu to serve as the care taker of her little brother. Nevertheless, Mai was happy to stay there, in her old room and with the small sense of belonging that the house gave to her.

With her parents and brother living in Omashu, Mai found herself almost as free as when she was traveling with Azula, with the only detail of having to act like a Lady more often than what she had had to do with the soldiers. Besides that? It had been a nice time, a silent house that remembered her and a loving boyfriend inviting her to the palace every day.

Then, of course, the eclipse took place.

Her parents were in the house again and Zuko was a traitor to the Nation (but this time he had not been banished, he had left voluntarily in order to finish the war).

And that’s how Mai found herself living with in her old house with her whole family and servants again, with the difference that now it was her who the Fire Lord called, it was Zuko whose name was after the title of Fire Lord, it was Ozai the one marked as traitor and Azula… Azula wasn’t a loved princess anymore, she wasn’t asking for Mai’s companion or fighting a war.

Everything is upside down.

And right now…

-I don’t think so, Zuko. My parents were privileged by the old system, they are still wondering what will happens to our… Their status, their fortune.

Mai is not arrogant enough to call the family’s fortune as hers, not anymore, not when her father looks so disappointed and avoids her presence all the time. If they will eventually erase her from the heritage… Well, only Agni knows.

-That’s exactly why it would be good inviting them here, I don’t have any plans of taking your father’s position away. I need men like him who already now how the nation works.

Zuko is right, he does need to keep the old councilors, after all, not even Iroh, who had been absent for only three years, knew everything about the Nation.

Still…

-My father doesn’t agree with you becoming Fire Lord, if you insist on keeping the advisors of Ozai, I recommend to exclude my own progenitor.

Zuko offers her the glass of wine again and this time the girl accepts it with a small nod of her head.

-Your father was favored by the war, I understand his worries, but I have hope he will also understand this if for the good of all nations. This – and Zuko moves his hand in circles, as if he tried to make the room disappear. – Is the correct thing to do, the greater good.

The non-bender sighs.

-My father… Might not see it that way, but we could try. 

-Is he angry that you are dating the usurper of the throne?

-He is disappointed of me putting you before my freedom and before the _family honor_ in the Boiling Rock.

-Is that how he sees it?

-Is how they all see it; I was a traitor in that moment… I still am, I guess. I betrayed our princess.

She betrayed her friend, but Mai really hates thinking about it that way for more than one second.

(She wonders if Azula ever cared for her, because Mai did. She had actually felt love for her princess as well as admiration, she had been grateful for being part of her team… At least before taking Ba Sing Se, after that Mai never felt the same, and her love for Zuko had been… It is greater than any fear or friendship she could feel for Azula).

-But your uncle still got you out at time for my coronation. – Zuko raises an eyebrow.

-My uncle Warden, yes. But he is the brother of my mother, he rarely agrees with the noble people, he used to be a soldier… Although not a great one. – Mai can’t help to smile. – He was almost amused with me betraying Azula, probably because he hated the airs of greatness of her and Ozai.

-I thought your father had…

-No, he was pretty calm with me rooting in prison, Warden wasn’t. He got me out two days before you defeated Azula and I arrived to the city the night before your coronation, but you already knew that.

-I missed the part of your father actually accepting your sentence.

-It was in Azula’s orders, most people wouldn’t have dared to disobey her.

-Remind me to send a gift to your uncle, though he would do good in stop being so proud about his nationality.

-We all could do better in that aspect, Zuko.

(For a moment, Mai remembers fighting they Kyoshi warriors and laughing at the nerve of some Earth Kingdom girls of trying to defeat them, the Fire Nation elite).

-Will you give me a true answer now, Mai?

The glass of wine trembles for a moment in her hand.

-I… It is not correct to live in the same place as your girlfriend, Zuko. Specially if we are, in fact, only dating.

-You didn’t have a problem when I spent the nights at your house before…

Mai bites her tongue, telling Zuko that, back then they were still engaged according to Ozai’s perspective would probably do nothing good.

-Yes, but you weren’t Fire Lord back then. If they see me living here, with you, they might think I’m a concubine.

Zuko chokes on his own glass.

-I wouldn’t… You are my girlfriend.

Yet…

-Are… Are you courting me, Zuko? – She dares to ask with an unusually scratchy voice.

The Fire Lord blinks for a moment.

-I think so, I always thought we would marry once I came back from capturing the Avatar, you know? You were my fiancée.

When Zuko had been banished, Mai kept the hope of him coming back for almost a year, convincing herself that he would.

But then resignation had arrived and she understood that she couldn’t spent her life waiting for Zuko. Mainly because her parents were already looking for suitors and new arrangement agreements. Azula would invite her to royal events only to laugh when old, sick men aborded Mai asking her for a dance. At least Azula always made sure those men leave her since _“She was there as the princess’ companion, not as a debutante.”_ It was one of the few times Azula bothered to help her, even if Mai would always wonder if Azula had all those times planned.

-As did I, but now you are Fire Lord and you call me _“girlfriend”_ , I don’t know what we are doing.

Zuko scratches his neck.

-I have not erased the agreement done by Azulon, if that’s what you think. And even if I cancel Ozai’s decrees, his signature was not the only one that sealed our engagement.

-You don’t have to marry me. – The words leave her mouth before she can even actually think about them; Mai sees Zuko shrink.

-Why would you say something like that?

She doesn’t know. Maybe because she feels like Zuko is saying all of this out of compromise? Only to make her happy for another night?

-I don’t want you to feel you have to marry me because we were engaged back then, I…

-We are still engaged. – Zuko interrupts her with a rather angry voice that she ignores.

-I want you to marry me out of love.

The Fire Lord relaxes a little bit.

-I love you, Mai. Do I need to announce it in front of the whole Nation so you are certain about it?

-No, I… I don’t know.

She wants Zuko to make her his fiancée out of love, she wants to live in the palace as his wife but… Now? Of course, a proper courting could last one or two years even, then an engagement other year (especially considering their case would be a royal wedding) and Mai knows that even if they start right away, she would still have around three years before being crowned as Fire Lady. Nineteen is a perfect age to get married and to start having children.

Then why does she feel so nervous about that?

-You don’t know?

Mai looks at her nails.

-I love you, Zuko. But living here… It would mean a lot of things.

For instance, everybody would know she and Zuko had slept together and yes, Mai doesn’t really care about _her_ virginity, but society did. And there would be a lot of consequences if they never married, after all, wives were supposed to be pure virgins. Who would marry her after being left behind, being deflowered by the Fire Lord?

(Zuko could just force anyone to do it, actually. Many Fire Lords had married their advisors to their harem girls or concubines, but really, that’s not the point).

-Then marry me, I can arrange that.

Zuko’s eyes shimmer full of confidence and love.

When they had reencountered before the coronation Zuko had looked different, more human, less angry, more… Prepared. She wonders if that’s why, even if he has been Fire Lord for only four months, he is already proposing to her.

Weren’t they discussing if their _dating_ was a _courting_ just minutes ago?

Mai really loves Zuko, she had loved him since years ago, when they were presented to each other and were told they would get married one day in the future for the good of the Fire Nation.

She loved him during her late childhood, when Azula would laugh at them and throw them at the fountain.

She loved him during his Agni Kai, when she saw him refusing to fight his father and beg for his forgiveness (his love).

She loved him when she saw the ship departure’s only one day after without any sort of goodbye.

She loved him during those three years in which she did her best to reject her suitors kindly enough to not get punished.

She loved him during her training years at the Academy, where she would throw knifes and imagine it was the Fire Lord’s face. Sometimes it was her own father’s face.

She loved him during the persecution she did with Azula, when she fought only to get away from her parents. When she knew that they were in the wrong side and still preferred that to being only another aristocratic girl waiting for marriage. She loved him even more than she loved the breath of freedom Azula had gave her.

She loved him when Zuko came back, when they were just perfect. Just that they weren’t.

She loved him when he left without explanation, she loved him during those days in which she was the laughing stock of the high caste.

She loved him when confronting Azula, when death was real like it never had. When it had been her life for Zuko’s. 

She loved him during her prison days, when Warden would tell her to be patient and wait for Azula to leave.

She loved him when he was crowned as Fire Lord and she was invited to be at his side during the banquet.

She loves him now, even when she feels the disappointment of her parents, even when she hears the murmuring of the ladies at every event. Even when the servants look at her with despise.

Mai loves Zuko, then why is she doubting? Many girls her age are already married, it’s how their society works.

The thought of fighting, of traveling, of running with her knives and just being free crosses her mind; half a memory and half a desire.

How foolish. How inappropriate. 

-Let’s get married, Zuko.

And her voice is barely a whisper before the Fire Lord inclines his body to kiss her.

.

.

.

Mai looks at herself at the giant mirror of Zuko’s… No, their room. The room is theirs and so is the mirror.

The pale woman sighs.

She is married now; she is Fire Lady.

It had taken six months to arrange the wedding, and only because the Fire Nation was still recovering from the sudden loss of capital. Zuko had been rather angry at not being able of marrying her that very same night he proposed.

_“How ridiculous, a party is not needed.”_

Mai had insisted on having patience, on keeping the tradition, only to gain time and think.

It didn’t matter, she had been thinking and thinking and never reached an answer to her conflict. Every time she was close enough, she discovered that something had been missing in her reflections.

_“I’m nervous because I’m only sixteen._

**_But your mother was married at fifteen, and your engagement agreement actually said you would be married at fifteen, don’t you remember?_ **

_I’m nervous because I don’t want to have children._

**_But you wanted children before Zuko came back. You discussed that with your aunt. You wanted a girl and a boy who would be as easy as Tom-Tom._ **

_I’m nervous because Zuko is Fire Lord._

**_But your parents even tried to get you married to Ozai, have you forgotten? He was awful and you still didn’t care._ **

_I’m nervous because I will lose my freedom._

**_Your freedom to be a warrior and fight?_ **

_Yes._

**_How vulgar.”_ **

It doesn’t matter, she is already married to Zuko.

She undoes the coiffure and wonders how long would it take to make it again by herself, only to distract her own being from the new reality she will be facing in the morning.

That’s when she sees it.

A letter not larger than the palm of her hand and carefully hidden under her jeweler.

Mai takes it and sits in the chair of her giant dressing table, getting closer to one of the candles to read it.

**_“If you wish to run away meet me at the old fountain before sunrise._ **

**_If you want to stay as Fire Lady, never talk about this to me again._ **

**_-With love, Ty Lee.”_ **

A burst of energy goes from her feet to her head.

She still can run away.

She could leave and just get a new life.

_“You shall enjoy your youth, little girl, time never goes back.”_

What did Azulon even mean back then? She wasn’t free to do her own will, he said that right before informing he was Zuko’s betrothed.

(She could become a huntress, or a Kyoshi warrior, or maybe a teacher in the middle of nowhere).

She hears the door opening and she puts the letter inside the jeweler, closing it with maybe too much force.

-There she is, my lovely Fire Lady.

Mai turns around and sees Zuko standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers.

-Zuko…

-I know its ridiculous, but they are your favorites and…

His eyes are shimmering with love like Mai has never see them before.

He is happy.

Zuko smiles and Mai feels like the world just stops for a moment.

What was happiness, anyway?

What was youth, anyway?

What was Mai, anyway?

Time was never going to go back… She should have fought with a little more of attitude the last time. The Fire Lady just cannot go around picking up battles.

Mai smiles too.

Love meant sacrifice.

She stays. 

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.

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**Author's Note:**

> I have always thought that Mai wanted to be more than Fire Lady, so yeah, this happened. 
> 
> English is my second language and I have no beta so I’m really sorry for any grammatical mistake, I will probably edit this in one or two days. 
> 
> Go check out my twitter account! @mistressofvos
> 
> Reviews are free, my fellow benders!


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